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What I learnt today

I need an excuse to write

Yesterday, I had a really productive day. For the first time in quite a while, I felt optimistic about my business and how things are going.

Last night, I couldn't sleep, partly because I was excited about being excited about working again, and super relieved that that feeling had returned. I lay awake for hours, I looked at my phone, I journalled everything that was going through my head between 2 and 3am. There were some demons floating around, but overall, I was feeling optimistic and excited about new projects and new ideas, and ways to improve what I'm doing.

And I woke up in a foul mood. I woke up tired, unrested, and irritable. I knew I wasn't in a good headspace to work. Recently, I've started going to the gym in the morning and am finding that this skyrockets my mood. I never feel as good as I do when I've just done a super-intense cardio workout. But today, that wasn't an option, so I would just have to stick it out.

What did I do to address this bad mood? Well I tried hard not to be in a bad mood, but it's quite hard sometimes and I know I didn't succeed at that. I also had a customer complaint that I needed to address, which yesterday I felt bullish about and had kidded myself that I could let wash over me like water off a duck's back, but in reality was eating me up and niggling away at my confidence, and would do until I responded to it.

I won't bore you with every detail of the day, but it's nearly 7pm now and I've done the essential stuff I needed to today. I'm already on my second glass of wine, and the world is looking up (not just because of the wine). I haven't had an amazing day at work, but it's been good enough. I've done some things that I've never done before. At the moment, I have a plan, and I'm doing reasonably well (not amazingly) at sticking to it. I am making progress, and laying the groundwork for things to come.

The danger lies in looking at Facebook groups, where there are groups of subscription box entrepreneurs who launched with hundreds of subscribers, or people who are much further down the path with thousands of subscribers. Reading comments like that is when I feel my resolve and confidence implode, and I go back to wondering whether I'm wasting my time, and wondering how anyone can be so fantastically bad at starting a business.

I know this starting a business malarkey is supposed to be hard, but does it have to be quite this hard, and for quite this long?

Over the past few days, I've written a lot. And for the first time in ages, I feel like I'm getting back to myself. I'm giving my personality to the business in a way I haven't been able to before. I'm showing myself and showing up. It's very scary and feels like the world can see into my soul, especially my flaws. It doesn't feel good.

But it does feel good to write, and I need to do more of it.

I'm too tired now to really appreciate the lessons from today, but I think it goes something like this:

1) Get a good night's sleep.

2) Do exercise.

3) Don't give up.

4) Write more. 

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